Unknown

Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands, meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.

Unknown, in War and Peace

Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Jesus died for your sins. Make it worth his time.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

It usually takes a long time to find a shorter way.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Experience is often what you get when you were expecting something else.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Everything you do or say is public relations.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Everyone smiles in the same language.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Every time a baby is born, so is a grandmother.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Every solution breeds new problems.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Draft beer, not people.

Unknown, in War and Peace

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Unknown, in Life and Death